Sky Sports icon Chris Kamara reveals he considered suicide and thought about Gary Speed amid health battle
Sky Sports icon Chris Kamara has opened up on his health battle
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Chris Kamara has admitted he contemplated suicide after his apraxia diagnosis.
The Sky Sports icon was diagonised with the rare neurological disorder back in 2021.
Apraxia has impacted Kamara's speech and balance, while he also opted to leave Sky after 24 years of working with the broadcaster.
Now, in a new book called 'Kammy' serialised by the Daily Mirror, he's revealed he considered taking his own life.
Gary Speed tragically died back in 2011
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And he also revealed he thought about Gary Speed, who tragically died in 2011.
“I’m going to admit something now, something I’ve never mentioned before," he said.
"It’s hard for me to talk about, so bear with me.
“I worried about where I was going to end up. Would my physical and neurological deterioration just keep going and going?
"And I worried more about the effect it would have on those around me.
“I’m a man who has always wanted to help, to provide, to love and nurture those around me.
"And now I could only see myself as a burden. A shell of the man I used to be that they would be left to look after.
“Seeing myself like that was like staring into an abyss.
"I could never reconcile that image in my head. It was unthinkable.
“And it’s at that point I’d think, ‘They’d be better off without me.’”
On former Wales, Newcastle and Bolton star Speed, he continued: “I thought of Gary Speed and then I thought of my own position – a man in his mid-sixties, whose best days, because of a brain condition, were gone, struggling on while becoming a weight on all around him.
"Whose wife and children would be left to deal with whatever I became.
“I didn’t want that for Anne and the boys.
"So how do you prevent it from happening? You take yourself out of the picture.
“There were times when I definitely thought that was a way out.
"If you’re stuck in a maze, with no sign of an escape route, eventually you’ll try something extreme.
"Especially if you have chosen to wander that maze alone.”
Kamara has since come to terms with his illness.
He adds that he has realised the future 'was not so bleak' and has continued to appear on TV to talk about his struggles.
Kamara received an MBE for his anti-racism and charity work, while he's received an outpouring of love and affection from the sporting world.
Apraxia of speech is a condition that makes it difficult for an individual to talk.
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Chris Kamara has received an MBE for his charity work
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Those diagnosed know what they want to say - but struggle to find the right words.
The NHS say: "Frequently the person with apraxia will have difficulties with conversational speech. "However they may be good at ‘automatic’ speech tasks such as counting, swearing, repeating rhymes, greetings and farewell.
"It's usually caused by damage to the left side of the brain, such as a stroke."
"The condition does not affect a person's understanding and the symptoms of the condition can vary occurring to the severity of the disorder."
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