Phillip Schofield is returning to screens for the first time in 16 months in order to tell "my side of my story" regarding the scandal that ended his ITV career.
But instead of spilling his side of the saga behind the "unwise but not illegal" affair with a younger male runner from the comfort of a studio, Schofield's been shipped to a desert island.
Schofield departed ITV in May 2023 after admitting he hid the affair from higher-ups at the channel - an inquiry deemed this was the case as it was "unable to uncover evidence" the affair was known by bosses.
It left the 62-year-old's career in tatters. His relationship with co-host Holly Willoughby was over and her PR team went into overdrive to distance her from the disgraced presenter.
To be fair to Schofield, he did address the scandal head-on soon after. He sat down with Amol Rajan on the BBC to share his viewpoint and candidly shared his struggles in the fallout of the saga.
He held his hands up to the affair, admitted regret at hiding it from his loved ones and bosses, and claimed his career from there on out would go "nowhere".
Phillip Schofield is left alone on a desert island off the coast of Madagascar for his new Channel 5 series
CHANNEL 5
Over a year on and it turns out that "nowhere" was, in fact, the sun-soaked beaches on the coast of Madagascar.
This time, Schofield won't be questioned or fact-checked by an interviewer but in Cast Away, Channel 5 viewers will be able to listen to his complaints about the past year through a GoPro while he chugs on coconut water.
The trailer sets the stage for the self-aggrandising nature of the show. "I know what I did was unwise... but was it enough to absolutely destroy someone?"
It wasn't.
Was it enough to diminish the public's appetite for a sob story from a millionaire TV presenter whose picture-perfect perception was eroded by a pretty sordid scandal?
It was.
Phillip Schofield cries during filming for Cast Away
CHANNEL 5
Schofield had his chance to tell his "side of the story" when sitting down with Rajan - or with the undoubted countless offers for interviews he had in the wake of the scandal.
Instead, he stayed quiet and has waited for what would've been quite the payday to do his best Tom Hanks impression while re-opening wounds that have been shut for over a year.
It reeks of the desperation of a man who was so used to having the adoring public shout his name from the side of red carpets that he now merely wants people to know he still exists - and he'll spill all on a personal and unsavoury scandal from a desert island to do so.
Even Schofield's statement that coincided with the release of Cast Away comes across as incredibly tone-deaf.
"This is most definitely a first for me and the only thing I felt compelled to do," Schofield said. "It appealed to me on so many levels.
"I’ve recently had a lot of time to think about my life, what went right and what went wrong, but I’ve always had the safe arms of friends and family wrapped around me.
"This time it’s just me, no phone, no comforts, no crew and only lip balm as a luxury. I’m looking forward to exploring the island, trying to tie knots to secure my shelter and foraging and fending for myself in the wild … with no help.
LATEST DEVELOPMENTS:
Complete isolation. No comforts, no safety net. Phillip Schofield faces life on a remote island, learning to live in the unforgiving wilderness.
— Channel 5 (@channel5_tv) September 25, 2024
📺 Phillip Schofield Cast Away starts Monday 9pm on Channel 5 & My5 pic.twitter.com/tM9rJbEPWN
"Maybe I’ll be Robinson Crusoe, or maybe I’ll just be Tom Hank’s Wilson and quietly drift off into the wild blue yonder!!"
I'm sorry, Phil, but no one will be tuning in to see you get sand between your toes while you apply your ChapStick and hone your orienteering skills.
Fans who tune in will want a heartfelt apology - or at least some semblance of introspection - for feeling shafted by a formerly polished familiar face on their screens who lied to everyone around him.
Selling his "side of the story" 16 months on from his ITV departure... Questioning if the fallout and criticism were justified... Thoughtful gazes out into the Madagascan sea... It won't wash with the public.
Tom Hanks received an Oscar nod for his performance as a dishevelled high-roller struggling to survive on a desert island in the film of the same name - I imagine Schofield's performance would've taken the gong.
