This is what truly makes Christmas special - Lady Judith McAlpine

Why "rescued"? Why is it so shocking that, despite having a larger family, it is not "my turn" this year to have most of them here?

I'm pretty sure that most families take turns to do the bulk entertaining and in fairness we were invited by my younger daughter's in-laws; but practical issues made us decline.

If I hear of friends who might be alone on Christmas Day, they are invited to join our usual family throng.

On Christmas Eve I always gather up "waifs and strays" who will have no-one with whom to have dinner though they will see family on Christmas Day.

There is something so sad about the idea of people being alone at Christmas. We can walk past a man asleep in a doorway for the rest of the year, we may stop and slip him some money but we don't worry too much that he is alone.

At Christmas, however, we put money or physical effort into providing food and shelter for that man and others like him so that they will have company and be able to wish another person "Merry Christmas!"

I assume this need to be with others at Christmas stems from childhood memories of noisy family gatherings, blazing fires, delicious cooking smells, hugs from warm, sweet smelling aunties and bristled uncles fuelled by pre-lunch sherry or a little too much whisky.

Christmas: when rules were relaxed and family members you saw only once or twice a year gave you gifts and treated you as someone important in their life.

Is it just our primeval herd instinct? There is something to celebrate, so lets do it with the rest of our tribe? No immediate tribe members? Come and join ours.

No point in cooking a roast for just one or two. Why not come to Church? Don't go the rest of the year, of course; but Christmas is special.

The Christmas I was sixteen, for some reason we didn't travel north to my two grandmothers and their huge family gatherings. Just three of us self-consciously opening stocking presents on Christmas morning.

It felt wrong. It wasn't "Christmas". As we were leaving for church, the phone rang: a friend with a houseful.

"Come and join us?" she said. "But the Turkey is in the oven" said mother, ever practical. "Bring it" said our friend. Suddenly it felt like Christmas.

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Why can't we harness this Christmas feeling all year? Why can separated parents be "nice" to each other at Christmas "for the sake of the children" then return to hating each other after Boxing Day?

What does that do to children? Why do we not remember that homeless man, still alone in the cold, once our warm Christmas feelings have receded?

Why don't we, once past childhood, visit the ancient aunts and uncles or spend time with Granny unless pushed or shamed into it? Why are we so fundamentally selfish?

What bewilders me is that Christmas is a Christian celebration that makes most of us behave in this benign manner for a few days a year.

Yet most Jews, Muslims and Hindus behave in this very "Christian" manner all year round. It is no more written into their scriptures than it is in ours but for most of the year we manage to ignore the teaching of the chap whose birthday we celebrate at CHRISTmas.

We are one huge family. If only we could all remember that, we might spend less time and money on making war and more on caring for other members of this vast family.

I do know this is a forlorn hope while evil men exist (I'm thinking Putin rather than Starmer in this context) but "good" should be able to conquer evil.