Falkland Islands are OURS – Back off! Says Patrick Christys

I have a message to the mad cat President of Argentina. The Falkland Islands are ours. Back off Javier Milei, who can I just say, I actually really do quite like. Mainly because he does stuff like getting his chainsaw out and a load of other absolutely bonkers things.

He's a complete maverick and he's stuck into the establishment. Clearly. I absolutely love it.

But the man known as El Loco has said this: “Argentinas sovereignty over the Malvinas Islands is non negotiable. The Malvinas are Argentinian. Now we have to see how we are going to get them back.”

Right, jog on. You lot tried it on once and we smashed you to pieces. And we would do it again.

In case you forget, 255 British service personnel died defending that British territory. And we're not going to desecrate their memory by handing it back to you.

May I also remind you that 649 Argentinian military personnel died in your failed invasion? You were about as good at holding on to those islands as Joe Biden is holding on to the railings of an aeroplane staircase.

El Loco continued: “Now we have to make every effort to recover the islands through diplomatic channels.”

Britain put an end to this by humiliating Argentina militarily. The Falkland Islanders put another end to it with the referendum in 2013.

On a turn out of 92 percent, 99.8% voted to remain a British territory with only three people voting against it. Presumably those three people have names like Juan, Francesco and Carlos, or maybe they were blind and ticked the wrong box. Either way it's over, mate.

Look, you've had your hand of God, all right? You've got your World Cups, a little World Cup. Just be happy with that. We've got the Falklands and we always will. End of.